Our hero comes home!

From the moment Michael steps out of my car with his ruck sack all ready to go and boards the plane to leave us for months the count down officially begins to the day he comes home. I keep a journal of things I want to make sure and tell him every time we get a chance to talk, I count the Sundays until he is home (seems less overwhelming that way), and my prayer journal is filled with pages of prayers asking to bring him home safe. Well no more journal I can just tell him in PERSON, no more Sunday counting because he will be sitting right next to me in a pew at church and my prayer journal will now be filled with thankfulness for bringing him home safe! HE IS HOME!!! So if you are military, or should I say SF, you know how the redeployment works they give you a tentative date which is tentative for a reason because it will change a hundred times before he is actually home. You have a hotline number that you call and it is updated with the most frequent arrival times. This time around wasn't nearly as bad as last deployment. I think it changed only four times. FINALLY after calling that dang hotline numerous times to only be disappointed with a new arrival time, I woke up Fri morning to the hotline still saying they were in route and scheduled to arrive that day.....so I RAN upstairs to wake our baby boy up to tell him Daddy was coming home! We started jumping around the room and saying "here we come daddy" the tears were already flowing down my cheeks. I was so excited, or should I say WE were so excited. Of course I was little worried as to how Parker would take to Michael, would he be shy right at first or run right to him?? As we were making the drive onto base to go get daddy the song "Chicken Fried" came on and these words played "

" I thank god for my life

And for the stars and stripes

May freedom forever fly

Let it ring.

Salute the ones who died

The ones that give their lives so we

Dont have to sacrifice

All the things we love"

and I started to get very emotional realizing how many women lost the chance to make this drive to this amazing homecoming but instead made a drive to meet a casket. I right then and there prayed out loud thanking God for this day and to comfort those who waited months for this day to come and had it taken away from them. I quickly dried my tears and refocused my thoughts on the joy of this day!!! As the plane landed Parker and I stood behind a fence and immediately Parker started jumping up and down yelling "daddy, daddy, daddy" again the tears started flowing lol! I was a mess this whole day. Once the plane lands we go to the front of the building and wait for the guys to be brought up in buses, when the bus started to come down the street Parker started jumping up and down he was so excited. I'll never forget I put him in front of me with my hands crossed across his chest and I could feel his little heart beating so fast it made me realize just how much he understood what was about to happen. As SOON as daddy stepped off of the bus Parker sprinted and leaped into his arms...there was no hesitation no shyness, it was his daddy and by gosh he wasn't going to let him go for nothing! Again I was sobbing by this time....of course. Michael needed to make sure he was cleared to leave with us so he told me to take Parker and put him in the car he would meet us there, Parker had this panic stricken look on his face and Michael and I realized he didn't want to let his daddy out of his sight. It was so cute but at the same time a realization that this deployment stuff isn't easy on him. We got a real dose of that later that night at bed time. He asked daddy to lay on his bed with him while I read his books we said our prayers and both kissed him good night. When we started to leave his room we noticed tears streaming down his face, I asked him what was wrong and he said "daddy fly on the airplane, he leave again" I of course lost it, Michael and I jumped right in with words of reassurance that daddy wasn't leaving. He soon had a smile on his face and went right to sleep. I think we were all exhausted from the emotions of the day. That night I laid awake next to my sleeping husband and just smiled looking at him, my nightly prayers of having this moment, sleeping next to my husband again had been answered. See as a military wife you know how precious moments like these are because in a life where so many don't come home you better be thankful for EVERY second you get with your husband. I love him so much and I thank God he is home safe! My life seems so complete........ Now bring on big event NUMBER 2....Hudson Michael Keenan!

Wish I would have been taping Parker jumping up and down when the bus was pulling up but if you listen you can hear him screaming and clapping! Melts my heart!

May not be what you are use to but there is NOTHING wrong with it;)

So recently I have caught a lot of flack about how heavy the weight is I continue to lift and how hard I am working out in general. So tonight I did some research online about it. I simply typed in "crossfit pregnant" into google images and to my surprise TONS of pictures came up of woman lifting....and by lifting I mean heavy lifting. At my first appt my midwife told me I should not be lifting anything over 25 lbs when I proceeded to tell her about the type of working out I had been doing for over a year now she said well then I am comfortable with 45 LOL! I didn't dare tell her I had been lifting WAY more than that while pregnant and honestly I was going to continue too. I understand for a person who hasn't consistently been working out all of a sudden deadlifting 245 lbs while pregnant isn't the smartest thing. But for some one who has been lifting that heavy your body is use to it knows how to handle it and bottom line can deal with it. I felt it to be no different now that I was pregnant. Today I deadlifted 215 lbs I felt great while doing it and honestly could have done more but why keep pushing it? I didn't want to go to the point that it didn't feel good so I stopped there. I have backed off believe it or not...running is no more for me it hurts my back so I row instead, when I feel out of breath I don't keep pushing it like pre pregnancy I stop to catch my breath, I don't wait until the end of the WOD to get water I take a water break when need be. My goals pre pregnancy were just about me, now I still have goals but my first priority is making sure Hudson is ok. So after tons of research online I think doctors are changing their opinions on what you can and can't do in pregnancy.....all tied to what you were doing before. I love crossfit and I can't believe how strong I still feel even when I can barely move because my back is killing me;) I am happy with how hard I have worked and will continue to work just as hard through this third trimester. So speaking of my pregnancy....I am really starting to feel the effects of it. Just this week I can feel myself slowing down a little, I always said I would NEVER be that lady that walks like something is up her butt when she is pregnant well I became that lady with Parker and I am officially "that" lady again with this pregnancy. Pregnancy really takes such a toll on your body. I just feel EXHAUSTED all of the time which doesn't work too well with a 3 yr old and deployed husband. But somehow we manage;) I can't believe I am already 32 weeks not too much longer until Michael comes home and we have another baby boy!

So much to LOVE about Fall

Fall is breathtaking I can't think of ONE thing I don't love about Fall. For me it brings back so many wonderful memories of high school football games, hot chocolate and camping trips with my family. But I can't help but feel this Fall will be the best one yet. I feel like I have been waiting for the arrival of Fall since before Summer even came. As I sat outside on my front porch in my white rocking chair as Parker napped, tears came to my eyes as the cool Fall air blew my through my hair. This past month has been a little hard for me between a deployment "scare", pregnancy hormones, and some dreaded news of a third deployment in the works, I couldn't help but feel like this beautiful crisp breeze was a sign from God of wonderful things that these Fall winds are going to bring. Not only will this season bring my husband home but it will also bring the birth of our second baby boy. I am not sure if this is our last pregnancy but it quite possibly could be. And the thought of something I have waited a long time to experience possibly being over makes me want to cherish every minute of it. I can honestly say the little stretch marks here and there, the number on the scale going up and the bruising I have around my ankles has taken a backseat to the joy I feel from the moments I sit and just stop to feel this little life move around inside of me. Miraculous....no other word to describe it. And although my husband isn't here to feel these little kicks I feel so blessed that he was here for Parker's pregnancy and I feel blessed that he "should" be able to be here for the birth of Hudson Michael. I hope everyone finds that this too will be the best Fall for them as well!

Hudson update.....

Parker at around 4-5 months

Parker with his daddy doll

22 weeks

We had another midwife appt today I was VERY happy to hear that they are going to start a growth chart for Hudson once I hit 34 weeks. He is already measuring a little large, which was to be expected, considering how big Parker was. Basically it just means they are really going to be watching his size. I really don't want to be induced and I feel comfortable delivering another 10lb baby but any bigger than that and I am not so sure. My midwife and I both agree we should avoid at a c section, and a growth chart will help in doing that. I really would like to have another vaginal birth. We did get a little bit of scary news......I am trying not to worry about it my midwife did not seemed concerned at all. At my 20 week scan of Hudson one of his kidneys was somehow backed up or had too much fluid I was pretty confused and she didn't feel it necessary to go into detail about it being that she wasn't worried. She said it is fairly common in boys and in no way signals a sign of some type of deformity or birth defect. Worse case scenario we could have one kidney with a problem. But she doesn't think that is the case. They are overly cautious at a military hospital because they aren't equipped to handle any "high risk" type pregnancies so they really make sure nothing is wrong. With Parker I had to have a second ultrasound done because his head was measuring large, lol, obviously we see now his head is just large like the rest of him. So anyhow I am trying to stay away from google.....because seriously I want to google the crap out of this kidney thing and see what it says but I know that is a BAD idea. So I will go to God in prayer this evening before bed and leave it in his hands. I really do feel like it's no big deal. On a more light hearted note, Parker has been pretty cute about the baby lately. I think he has really taken notice to my growing belly, I am not sure why...hmm could it be that it's getting HUGE;) So I was cooking dinner the other night and he comes into the kitchen lays his head on my belly and says "Hi baby hud what are you doing" it was sooo cute I just wanted to cry. I am so excited to give him a little brother and can't wait to watch them grow up together. Parker already fits the role of the protective big brother. Today at my appt he was SO considered as to what they were doing to me and my belly. He kept telling my midwife to stay away when she was checking my blood pressure and Hudson't hb. It was too cute. I guess while daddy is away I will have two sons to protect me:)

I feel I should give a Parker update as well.....he has been talking a TON more and somedays I wonder to myself why did I want him to talk?? He can be SO repetitive today in the car we drove by some cows and he said "Hi cows are you hungry, are you going to eat some food, is it good" and I bet he said that 100 times that is enough to make you go mad, ha ha ha! But I quickly told myself it could be worse, he could be screaming or crying so I dealt with the repeated statement about the cows. We are still struggling to potty train we had it down but then daddy left and well we reverted a little. I slacked up a little and Parker slacked up A LOT. Parker has also been missing his daddy a lot lately. Its really been all of a sudden he wants to ride in daddys car, he wants daddy to read him the books, it's like something set him off and now all of a sudden he realizes daddy is really gone. He has had this daddy doll since last deployment and NEVER cared a thing about it and now all of a sudden it's like the end of the world if he doesn't have it. He just looked at me yesterday while eating breakfast and said "I miss daddy" oh dear I had to choke back the tears....I wish I knew where this was coming from. We have been spending some time watching videos of him and daddy together and looking at pictures of daddy and he really enjoys that;) Overall both boys seem to be doing well. Just need some prayers that mommy is growing a baby with two healthy kidneys;) Oh and I found an old pic of Parker as a baby that I just had to post, he is so cute, I can't wait to meet Hudson Michael!

Summer Summer Summer TIme!!!!

We have had a busy but delightful month! It started out with Nanny coming to visit for two weeks then making the drive with us to KC for another two weeks! There is nothing better than spending time with family and we got to do plenty of that. We had a blast in KC visiting Papa's land and picking blackberries, so yummy. Of course we baked an amazing pie with them, I can seriously still taste it;) We also celebrated the 4th while in KC, Parker had a blast this year with the fireworks. He did end up with a small blister on his finger from the firework but I am pretty sure it was just a peek in to the future 4th of Julys. As always we missed daddy and I couldn't help but feel a little empty as I watched our son light up and love every minute of the fireworks. I try not to dwell on Michael being away but sometimes it gets the best of me and I can't help but feel sad that he isn't here to experience this once in a lifetime moment with Parker. I can't wait for him to come home, we are counting down the days. Mom and I also got some shopping in while I was in KC, although we have a full wardrobe for Hudson I couldn't help but buy a few new outfits for him. I LOVE his coming home outfit and I seriously can't wait to see him in it. It was hard saying goodbye to Nanny after being with her for a month but not surprisingly super Nanny devised a little plan to side track Parker from her departure by quickly getting out of the car at the airport and handing him a brand new Buzz toy, that did the trick! He was soo excited about that toy and has not put it down since she gave it to him. Although it sufficed him he still asked about Nanny and continues to randomly ask to see her. In fact it broke my heart today when I left Parker with a friend while I went to have an ultrasound, I explained to him that I was going to check on baby Hud but I would be back to get him. He kept saying over and over again on the car ride there "Mama go bye bye it's ok she be right back" I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed because I believe this was stemming from the fact that people he loves seem to come and go in his life. He was totally fine once we got there because his best buddy Ethan was ready to play with him! I just wish I knew what he was thinking so I could help him understand if need be. Anyways this past month has left me feeling so appreciative at all the love and support we have from friends and family. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people in my life! I decided not to post pics from our KC visit because I posted those to facebook and I am pretty sure anyone that looks at my blog has probably seen them on facebook. So I decided to post pictures from our play group tonight. Parker was so well behaved, well......well behaved for a crazy 2 yr old boy lol! All the kids got along great and the mommy's could actually have a conversation which is much needed when your husband is deployed.

cooking in the oven.....due on Thanksgiving Day

So I realized tonight that I haven't blogged about baby number two yet! I felt a little guilty not having a whole post dedicated to this baby considering this whole blog was created to keep everyone updated on my pregnancy with Parker. I guess the least I could do for number two was make one post about this pregnancy lol! We are super excited to be pregnant and after suffering a loss in Dec, it makes it even more special. I have been feeling well, just SUPER exhausted but I'm not sure if that's from the pregnancy or just life as a single mom dealing with a very energetic two yr old whom I am trying to potty train. I look back at my pregnancy with Parker and think it's so funny that I just felt SO exhausted while being pregnant with him lol. Oh I really had no idea what exhausted felt like until now;) I actually am struggling to keep my eyes open right now tee hee. I feel like my belly is literally tripling in size every week, I'm getting a little worried, I think it's safe to say I'm going to have a big ole belly yet again. I was hoping maybe to carry a little smaller this time around but I am coming to terms with the fact that, that was just a hope and not a reality lol! I have an ultrasound next week to check on the lil turkey I will only be 15 weeks we may or may not be able to determine the sex, they usually won't say anything unless they are pretty confident and 15 weeks may be just a little too early to be really confident. So needless to say I'm not holding my breath. I posted a few new pics from this week I am 14 weeks and 3 days, and anxious to meet this baby!!!!!!!!!

There is no "I" in team.........

This particular Sunday morning was bittersweet for me. I LOVE going to church and always feel so rejuvenated after leaving, but on this Sunday morning my other half was missing, and it was the first Sunday I would be sitting in the pew without him next to me. I know after a few Sundays it will feel more "normal," for lack of a better word but the first is always the hardest. Anyways after church there was a potluck which normally I would have stayed for but today I just wasn't feeling up to dealing with Parker by myself. I have a VERY energetic 2 yr old to say the least so attempting to stand in line and get food while he stands next to me is something I would only dream about, ha ha ha. Parker would be running around EVERYWHERE and I would be chasing him plate in hand;) I'm not quite in the "single" mom mode yet so this task felt much to great to take on today. So this really got me thinking on the drive home how much Michael and I have become a team. Obviously staying for the potluck would have most definitely happened if Michael were here because as always he would sit with Parker at the table as I got food for Parker and I, then we would switch, no big deal. I started to think of how much our lives have changed since becoming parents. As crazy as it sounds sometimes your loved one leaving can be a blessing, it gives you time to reflect on just how much they play a crucial role in your life and how you truly couldn't live without him/her. I know how much I love Michael and I don't need affirmation in the form of a deployment, BUT sometimes I do feel like we are parents and JUST parents, so it's nice to have time to reflect on how strong our marriage really is. If you are a parent you know your kids take up pretty much ALL of your time. I realized today our marriage since Parker hasn't necessarily changed it's just different. Three years ago if Michael and I were walking in a park we would probably be hand in hand having a conversation, now if you saw us today we would most likely be chasing a 2 yr old and our only conversation would be with Parker asking him to listen to us lol. He is my other half, and no we don't cuddle and fall asleep in each other's arms like we use to because now we are utterly exhausted at the end of the day and ready to fall asleep the minute our heads hit the pillow, but now sleeping alone without him next to me makes me realize that just having him beside me makes me feel so comforted, safe, and loved. We are a team and without him I just don't feel complete. I will manage and I will manage with a smile on my face, but deep down I won't feel complete until he is home again. I am comforted with this feeling because I truly believe that is what God intended marriage to look and feel like.......

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

well the wait is over:(

So as most of you know our family of three is now a family of two at least for the time being. It's never easy saying goodbye and honestly we wanted it to be as quick and painless as possible so I dropped him off we kissed he loved on Parker and off we went. We didn't hang around to see him leave just too difficult, honestly Michael vetoed it, seeing as it would only make the goodbye that much harder for all of us. We had our "moment" at home when Parker woke up from his nap Michael went upstairs to get him up and ready to leave and I knew he was struggling, as you can imagine the thought of going months on end without being able to even touch your child would have to be a little overwhelming. I can't imagine the guilt he feels as a father and husband leaving his family, I can only hope my words, unconditional love, and support reassure him enough to make him understand I and his children are and will always be proud of him. So as if it wasn't enough that he is leaving on the car ride to drop him off I look down at my arm to see a mark that resembles a bullseye. Uh Oh naturally I freak out because earlier that day we had taken Parker to the creek and walked around the woods for a bit. So when we pulled up to say our goodbyes a medic came up to look at my arm and informed me that I needed to have it looked at he was concerned it could be the start of Lymes disease, WHAT? If you know me you know I am a Negative Nancy, I think the worst, bad trait I know. I barely could focus on saying goodbye to my husband as now I think I have something that could potentially be harmful to my unborn child, who cares about me, so a mommy thing huh? I went straight to my Ob clinic which is located in the hospital and they honestly had no idea what to do with me. They made a few phone calls and decided to test my blood those results will be back Monday. In the meantime after speaking with an "environmental disease specialist" and sending a picture of my arm to him he felt I needed to go ahead and start treatment as a precautionary measure. I guess when treated it rarely poses a threat to the unborn fetus, if not treated it can be potentially fatal. They did do an ultrasound and listened to the heartbeat it was at 165 bpm and the baby was a little wiggle worm! So that was comforting. I am now on an antibiotic three times a day for 14 days. What is even crazier is that when I called my mother to tell her what was going on she informed me that she has been pretty sick and would be seeing a doctor the next day to test for Lymes disease after finding a few ticks on her from walking in the wooded areas on some land my father recently purchased. What are the odds? So needless to say I have felt a little overwhelmed and I am utterly EXHAUSTED. I pray that if I do have Lymes disease that our baby is safe and is born healthy. I have done a good job not looking anything up tonight, last night, however, was a different story I was up until 1 am researching pregnancy and Lymes disease not a good idea. I really hope things slow down now. Please keep me and the baby in your prayers I really do feel like everything will be ok, which is saying a lot because as I stated before my mind goes to the worse possible scenario. So the question of the day is......Why do things fall apart the MINUTE they leave?????

*Posted some pics of our last day with daddy....

Hurry Up and Wait.......this is not a fun game

Well we are officially in the waiting period to see when Michael will deploy. The date has moved three times now and I have a funny suspicion it will move yet again. So during this "wait" period I am trying not to let my emotions get the best of me and just enjoy the extra days with my husband. It's funny because you would think it's a wonderful thing to get added time and while it really is, it also can make things harder. You try to somewhat prepare yourself for a deployment and get in the "single mom" mindset but it seems every time you start to do this and semi come to terms of dealing with the "loss" of your husband/father for the next nine months, you have to start all over again when days are added to his time at home. As stated before don't get me wrong I feel blessed to have the extra time but I'm ready to get this started. The anticipation leading up to a deployment is WAY worse than the actually deployment. Every military wife knows the beginning and the end are ALWAYS the hardest. We have started to talk to Parker a little bit about where daddy is going and what he will be doing. We want him to at least give him the opportunity to understand that daddy is going away for a long time but he will be back. And although he may not understand we feel better knowing that we have at least started the process of talking to our child about what his daddy does. And to our surprise he does somewhat understand. Our friend Katie so graciously watched Parker a few nights ago so we could have a date night and to my surprise she said Parker had told her his daddy was going bye bye. Now I am not saying he understands why but at least he has grasped the concept that daddy is leaving. So bittersweet. It already breaks my heart to think he associates daddy's truck in the driveway with daddy being home, and well that truck will be sitting there for nine months with no daddy to step out of it. Deployments hurt there is no way around it but I have, I am, and I will always be proud to serve this country by standing behind my man;) Although I can't disclose the exact date of his "expected" departure for safety reasons, I can keep you updated after he is already gone so that I will do. I hope you enjoy the pictures of our last days with daddy before he leaves!